Eurovision 2016: the final

Let's start with the real winners of Eurovision 2016: Mans Zemerlöw en Petra Mede!

Seriously, how fantastic were they?
The banter, the humour, the "coming together", the general naughtiness, ... no need to name it all, they were brilliant.
If there's an international Petra Mede fanclub I want to join. So many highlights: from their cabaret Eurovision explanation

 

to "Love love Peace peace (and a man in a hamsterwheel)", highlighting the fabulousness of Eurovision.

I'd marry them both in a heartbeat.
If I wasn't already married of course.

But yes, there were countries taking part as well, apparently.

My highlights:

- Belgium: *squee*, I was very sceptical about the song beforehand. It was the least bad song in a group of horrible, horrible songs to choose from in Eurosong (the Belgian preselection), but they performed that song for all it was worth. Well done. I still maintain it was stolen from Another One Bites The Dust, but at least that's better than that time we sent that guy singing offkey about his mother.  

- Hungary: Hot Freddie with his badly chosen t-shirt and his nice song. The Sofa was waiting for him to do a Sakis. Alas...  

-  Israel: I can't help it, but I have a soft spot for ballads sung by men dressed in black glittery gloves and shoes. And with the golden shower at the end... Seriously, Hovi! Brilliant. 

- Bulgaria: My crush of the contest: Poli Genova. I didn't even remember she took part before. When I heard, I looked up the year and the song and I found this on my own blog:

Bulgaria 2011

Needless to say, things haven't changed much. Our crush has only intensified as she now sung a fabulous danceable song. How fantastic was that song! I voted for this, because I thought no-one else would (well, with 13 years of Eurovision experience I can safely say my favourites don't always make do well...) and she even ended up in fourth place! Go Poli! Go voting public of Europe!

-  France: simple, but good. And I always enjoy a little language riot at Eurovision.

- Australia: I loved Australia. I really did. What a voice, what a way of belting out that song. Sparkly box, yes. A lot of men's faces in the background (what was that about) and a dress that overpowered the poor girl (but sparkly! Ooh!).
I was already devising plans with my Australian pal about how they'd have to organise the contest in Brussels if they won, heart of Europe and everything, but alas... 

- Russia: Sergey brought a good song, with an amazing act. Perhaps the act overpowered his song, and it did remind us of Heroes (once again), but all in all it definitely deserved its top three place. Sergey also seemed like a nice guy, which doesn't hurt.

- Latvia: He could've dressed up a little. The jeans and leather jacket combo is a bit easy ("yeah, going to the pub, then stopping by Eurovision and then I'll head home") but I really liked the song. 

- Austria: So! Much! Fun! So perky! Alice in Wonderland on acid. 

- Armenia: the beat could've been darker for me, and the performance made the song so much better than it was on CD. 

Honourable mentions:

- The singer from Czech Republic going wild by ... pulling the elastic band from her hair and giving it a shake.
What kind of cheap secretary pornflick did that idea come from? 

At least pull out the windmachine then!

(Did like the song though)

- Poor Serbia's dress. She did not like that thing at all. And who can blame her.  If it's any consolation, at least my wife fancied her.

The worst about Eurovision is indifference... and the minute the songs from the UK, Ireland (in the semi), Spain, Germany (decent song, but the act was OTT that I just didn't hear it anymore) were over, I'd forgotten about them.

I hope Eurovision doesn't lead to Brexit.
Of course it won't.

No one in the UK takes Eurovision seriously.
Or do they?  Ha... 

Not sure what I think of the new voting system. I found the difference between televotes and jury confrontational. Esp regarding Poland. Was it a song that struck a nerve with televoters or did mainly Polish emigrants vote for it? 

And I nearly forgot about the winner!

Ukraine.
Well... I didn't get it.
Liked the beat, liked the overall haunting feel of it, but I didn't like her singing. It didn't move me as much as it moved other people apparently. 

But hey, who's the Ukrainian Petra Mede?

And what will I do for the rest of the year....

 

Big Five and Denmark

Denmark: Basim – Cliché Love Song

I hate scatting. With a passion. Almost as much as I hate clowns, spiders, bigotry and the extreme right. My hatred for this stuff overshadows anything that this song may or may not be. Without it, I’d probably be hopping along in my seat. But now I can only resist the urge to throw things. I’m sorry, Denmark. 

Germany: Elaiza – Is it right

Oh, this is arty stuff with actual instruments, and a girl in very short shorts playing the harmonica. I’m not sure if I like the singer’s voice, but the song is fabulous, even though I’m not sure if it’s actually going somewhere. I get the feeling I should wear a big flowy skirt and just dance in circles around a room.  As such, with the absence of campfires, I’m afraid it’ll get lost in the other Eurovision violence. 

UK: Molly – Children of the universe

So, if Scotland votes yes on the referendum, how long before they take part in Eurovision and give the UK zero points? But this song should get points. I love it. All anthem-y and revolution-y, I’m a huge fan. Huge. You’ve heard it here first. I LOVE a UK entry. Let it be written down, put in stone, because it doesn’t happen much. Oh, she can screw it up of course, by thinking she’s at a concert as opposed to a television show, but the CD version will be played at top volume in this house and in our car. Come on, Eurovisionland, put that wind machine on and give those backing singers a couple of flags to wave! Power to the people!!

France: TWIN TWIN – Moustache

Is it ever a good idea when the French try humour? Well, yes, I loved Les Fatals Picards, even though I was probably the only one in  the world. Apart from they themselves. And I’m going to love TWIN TWIN. All they want is a moustache, is that so much to ask? (Well, since I’m asking, yes, it is, moustaches invariably make men look like creeps, and if my boys ever (try to) grow one I’m shaving it off when they sleep). Tell me, is it just me or is this faaaaabulous? 

Spain: Ruth Lorenzo – Dancing in the rain

Oh, well, this is a big contrast from the French song. Good though. And English, Spain? Really now? Are we going there? Is the world ending? Sorry, in all honesty, this is actually bloody fantastic. And moving. And if this gets a good draw… well, Spain is quite broke, aren’t they?... bugger. 

Italy: Emma – La Mia Citta

Its good. It sounds edgy. If I even have a clue what that means, at my age. But it’s good. And it scares me a little, which can only be a good thing for Eurovision. Pretty sure my wife will have an instant crush, which is generally also a good thing for Eurovision.

What is going on, are the Big Five sending the best songs of the night? Did they finally get the memo that making an effort is worth it (if not for them, then at the very least for us?).

I guess that’s it for the songs of 2014.

Who’s going to win? I have no fucking clue. Not us. But 2014 might just be a very good year.

(Be sure to remind me of that when some song I hate wins, and I throw a tantrum not seen since the Dima Bilan/Azerbaijan duet debacles).

France: Anggun – Echo (You and I)

An English song title, France? My, how the times are changes. Next Spain will be sending in a song that doesn’t have “conmigo” in the title... oh hang on... no, the times aren’t changing all that much after all. If you’re a fan of strange videoclips featuring men in ugly underwear and a woman in a corset, I’d suggest you check this out. But I wouldn’t really bother turning up the music. Though, who knows, it might grow on me.

France: Amaury Vassili – Sognu

Waaah! Vangelis! Conquest of paradise! Sung by a hot young thing with shaggy hair. The oddest opera-type video clip I’ve ever seen “hot young guy with amazing voice walks along the seaside”, “hot young guy with amazing voice and leather jacket encounters toothless French person”. Oh The Drama! The Pathos! This might win. My poor Dino. Oh god, I hope this doesn’t win. On the other hand... I’ve never been to Paris....

France: Jessy Matador – Allez, Ola, Ole

France is thinking “if we don’t win Eurovision (which is pretty likely) at least we’ll already have a song for the world cup football”, the world is still in a financial crisis, we have to save money where we can. The contrast with Patricia Kaas couldn’t be bigger and I quite like this one. Well, it makes me shake and wiggle on my chair, which is quite an accomplishment when you feel like a pregnant waterballoon. I hope he doesn’t think he’s a world class rapper though, or the whole thing might end up quite ridiculous.

France – Patricia Kaas – Et s’il fallait le faire

France gets out the big guns this year, and brings us Patricia Kaas. Patricia Kaas, people! I have to admit I’d probably never heard a song of hers but I definitely knew her by name... if that’s any consolation. I just wonder if this song is not too classy, too serious for Eurovision. It’s rather heavy, haunting, a tad depressing and it deserves a lot more than it’ll probably get on May 16th. I mean, I really can’t find anything sarcastic to say about this one. That’s quite an accomplishment in itself.