Serbia: Zeljko Joksimovic – Nije Ljubav Stvar

Oooh Zeljko, welcome back! It feels like you take part every year, and in a way you do. But there’s nothing like the real Zeljko: He Of The Dramatic Stroll Onstage. Now I’ll be honest, when I first heard this, it was the English version and I hated it. The lyrics were completely ridiculous. The good thing about singing in Serbian is that the lyrics might be just as ridiculous now, but I wouldn’t know. It sounds fantastic. I’m a fan. Obviously. It’s Zeljko!

Serbia: Nina- Caroban

I’m always disappointed when I find out Zeljko has not been roped in to write a song for Serbia. Or any other Balkan country, I gather the man is not too picky about that. Really, like Sakis, Carola, Deen and that blond gay cutie from Iceland he should just take part every year. As far as camp goes, this one ticks all the boxes but I can’t help but think they should have just sent real drag queens instead of women in strange outfits. The song grows on me though. Though that could just be the pretty colours.

Serbia: Milan Stankovic – Ovo je Balkan

A Serbian song with the word “Balkan” in the title, if that isn’t a shoe-in for the finale, I don’t know what is. But they sure as hell try to sabotage themselves with this horrid, horrid song. This boy is so shiny they’ll be turning down the lights when he comes on so as not to blind anyone. Chanting “Balkan” in the middle, hip-hop dancing old ladies and a Colgate smile so bright the audience will be getting out their sunglasses. Scary.

Serbia – Marko Kon & Milaan – Cipela

After a song about traffic jams, now we have a song about a shoe. Only at Eurovision! And finally some good old fashioned craziness! Thank you, Serbia! A generic fat guy with a ginger afro, an accordion player, bald men in suits doing a strange choreography and a blonde woman who struts about and looks arrogant. Fan-tas-tic. The song is about an old shoe and a woman who didn’t want the lead singer until he had money. Well, we’ve all been there, haven’t we.