The UK - Jade Ewen – It’s my time

Finally the UK pours some effort into finding a participant for the Eurovision Song Contest: they found none other than Andrew Lloyd Webber (the Phantom of the Opera himself, the man with more facial expressions than a professional mime, the gayest man ever not to be gay) to write the song for this year’s contest and .... it’ s so bloody boring. This could be any other song from any random musical and the chorus drags on and on. But this is actually bombastic and bad enough to do well, it’s exactly the kind of thing middle aged women/homosexuals and grannies will like, and I hope it scores, I really do. The UK need a reward for actually putting in the effort this year (though yes, then so does Belgium every other year, but let’s not split hairs). And if they throw in The Phantom Himself at the piano, well... the queens in the audience might just explode from happiness and text themselves raw. Heck, with Andrew Lloyd Webber on stage and Graham Norton in the commentator booth, UK viewers will probably start wondering what West-End musical everyone’s auditioning for now...