Eurovision 2016: the final

Let's start with the real winners of Eurovision 2016: Mans Zemerlöw en Petra Mede!

Seriously, how fantastic were they?
The banter, the humour, the "coming together", the general naughtiness, ... no need to name it all, they were brilliant.
If there's an international Petra Mede fanclub I want to join. So many highlights: from their cabaret Eurovision explanation

 

to "Love love Peace peace (and a man in a hamsterwheel)", highlighting the fabulousness of Eurovision.

I'd marry them both in a heartbeat.
If I wasn't already married of course.

But yes, there were countries taking part as well, apparently.

My highlights:

- Belgium: *squee*, I was very sceptical about the song beforehand. It was the least bad song in a group of horrible, horrible songs to choose from in Eurosong (the Belgian preselection), but they performed that song for all it was worth. Well done. I still maintain it was stolen from Another One Bites The Dust, but at least that's better than that time we sent that guy singing offkey about his mother.  

- Hungary: Hot Freddie with his badly chosen t-shirt and his nice song. The Sofa was waiting for him to do a Sakis. Alas...  

-  Israel: I can't help it, but I have a soft spot for ballads sung by men dressed in black glittery gloves and shoes. And with the golden shower at the end... Seriously, Hovi! Brilliant. 

- Bulgaria: My crush of the contest: Poli Genova. I didn't even remember she took part before. When I heard, I looked up the year and the song and I found this on my own blog:

Bulgaria 2011

Needless to say, things haven't changed much. Our crush has only intensified as she now sung a fabulous danceable song. How fantastic was that song! I voted for this, because I thought no-one else would (well, with 13 years of Eurovision experience I can safely say my favourites don't always make do well...) and she even ended up in fourth place! Go Poli! Go voting public of Europe!

-  France: simple, but good. And I always enjoy a little language riot at Eurovision.

- Australia: I loved Australia. I really did. What a voice, what a way of belting out that song. Sparkly box, yes. A lot of men's faces in the background (what was that about) and a dress that overpowered the poor girl (but sparkly! Ooh!).
I was already devising plans with my Australian pal about how they'd have to organise the contest in Brussels if they won, heart of Europe and everything, but alas... 

- Russia: Sergey brought a good song, with an amazing act. Perhaps the act overpowered his song, and it did remind us of Heroes (once again), but all in all it definitely deserved its top three place. Sergey also seemed like a nice guy, which doesn't hurt.

- Latvia: He could've dressed up a little. The jeans and leather jacket combo is a bit easy ("yeah, going to the pub, then stopping by Eurovision and then I'll head home") but I really liked the song. 

- Austria: So! Much! Fun! So perky! Alice in Wonderland on acid. 

- Armenia: the beat could've been darker for me, and the performance made the song so much better than it was on CD. 

Honourable mentions:

- The singer from Czech Republic going wild by ... pulling the elastic band from her hair and giving it a shake.
What kind of cheap secretary pornflick did that idea come from? 

At least pull out the windmachine then!

(Did like the song though)

- Poor Serbia's dress. She did not like that thing at all. And who can blame her.  If it's any consolation, at least my wife fancied her.

The worst about Eurovision is indifference... and the minute the songs from the UK, Ireland (in the semi), Spain, Germany (decent song, but the act was OTT that I just didn't hear it anymore) were over, I'd forgotten about them.

I hope Eurovision doesn't lead to Brexit.
Of course it won't.

No one in the UK takes Eurovision seriously.
Or do they?  Ha... 

Not sure what I think of the new voting system. I found the difference between televotes and jury confrontational. Esp regarding Poland. Was it a song that struck a nerve with televoters or did mainly Polish emigrants vote for it? 

And I nearly forgot about the winner!

Ukraine.
Well... I didn't get it.
Liked the beat, liked the overall haunting feel of it, but I didn't like her singing. It didn't move me as much as it moved other people apparently. 

But hey, who's the Ukrainian Petra Mede?

And what will I do for the rest of the year....

 

Semi final 2 recap

Is it just me or was this a snoozefest of a semi? I was bored out of my skull at times. Is the Eurovision fever fading? Help me!

The best part of this semi, by far? The interval! Dima Bilan, looking as high as a kite and "freestyling" his crappy song! Marija Serifovic, who did not make the transition from baby dyke to... slightly more butch woman with much grace! Lena Did She have a Surname, If So I forgot! Alexandr Rybak finally looking older than 16! And two Azeris I couldn't name if my life depended on it. I'm pretty sure one was a presenter, but that's as far as my knowledge goes. The whole thing had a fabulously camp Soundmix Show feel to it. All that was missing was one of the monsters from Lordi and we'd have been all set.  Loved it, loved it!

The rest of the show however...
We spotted a few new trends though, and far be it from me to keep them from you:
- the 70s porn moustache is back. I don't know why and I don't agree with it, but it was there.
- Black is the new white. Gone are the days when the performers dressed in white to "stand out". They've now figured out if everyone does that, no-one really stands out, so they've all opted for black. Every single one of them. Oops. (Well, apart from Dima Bilan who showed he's a few years behind Eurovisionfashion-wise. Heads will roll in Moscow!)
- Is pyro the new wind machine? Think about it....

Now who do we say goodbye to after tonight?

The Netherlands: Oh, Joan with your headdress and your band of jolly gay musicians. I thought this came across rather well and I'd have liked to see you go through. The song wasn't as bad as a lot of the other crap in this semi. You looked high as a kite (on Heineken?) and it would have been entertaining for the fire hazard alone: so many flames near so many feathers... I'll bet the Azeri fire department have three trucks standing by the arena just in case. Alas, it was not to be.

Belarus: they were the weeners, and always will be in my book. There's something to be said about people trying to score "straight points" in an outfit that looks like it was stolen from a gay dungeon. Kudos to the guys in metal class who made the microphone stands. Very erm... interesting.

Portugal: somehow I always end up having a soft spot for you, despite the bad, bad styling. You're not the only victim of it tonight though. Is something going on? Are stylists in Europe collectively on strike?

Bulgaria: who brought us some seriously scary 80s music. Now she doesn't need anyone with her on stage, she'll just do it on her own. "It sounded better without the singing" someone remarks. Judging by her belt, Sofi is a renowned boxing champion, so I'd be careful what I say.

Slovenia: it's now obvious. Everyone in the Balkan hates you. And you totally won me over with that performance, for some reason. Suddenly I thought the song was actually rather good. Could it be the Molitva-connection? Perhaps you got left out because you dressed in white and everyone thought you were so behind the fashion?  Maybe it was the flowers on your dress?

Croatia: dressed in rumpled bin bags with backing dancers dressed as blacksmiths. I don't see how this didn't get through. Can't for the life of me remember the song, but come on people! Bin bags! Blacksmiths!

Georgia with the bad dye job. If you dye your hair, at least dye your beard as well. Otherwise it's just slacking. The candidate from Montenegro left his cape behind Tuesday and Georgia thought "ooh, we can use that". I must agree that the song was infinitely better when he was still wearing the cape. That's still not saying much, but at least he peroxide didn't blind me then. Backing singers in corsets and something that looks like a cheap magician's act. I reckon it'll be a while before Georgia sends another male candidate.

Slovakia: Straight points galore, apart from the sale on eyeliner and the Farrah Fawcett hairdo. At least it stood out. Rock on, Slovakia.

And who got through (some of them bafflingly):
- Serbia: Zeljko. Enough said.
- Fyr Macedonia: Que? They had a bloody guitar solo! Are you mad?
- Malta: "Let's have pyro AND a wind machine AND dry ice AND do something with our feet". And it worked! Seriously, Baku, I hope you have another batch of firemen ready for Saturday.
-  Ukraine: Hey! I know that song! Don't I know that song? I'm sure I've heard it before. Yes, we have. Millions of times. That, and  Norway. "It's the thing with the powertools, remember?"
- Sweden: yeah baby!
- Turkey "Ride me like I like you?" erm... I probably misheard. Rock the boat, batmen!
- Estonia: again I must say "que", but then I don't fancy men, I think that might be it.
- Bosnia & Herzegovina which might have become interesting if part of the decor had fallen over. As for now: meh meh and meh. Boring.
- Lithuania: for god's sake, keep the blindfold on if You're Making A Point. And someone turn him so he stands with his back to the audience. Ha!

I wonder what Saturday will bring. Hopefully new postcards!

Bulgaria: Sofi Marinova – Love Unlimited

I’m confused. There’s a dance beat, but no-one’s dancing. What’s that all about? I get the vague impression of something multilingual going on, but I can’t be 100% sure and after the Ukraine this will probably disappear into thin air. Well, unless the Bulgarian Eurovision Machine get their act together of course.

Bulgaria: Poli Genova - Na Inat

And you can keep the dramatic stage setting for this one. I think I’ve found the Wife’s favourite song (without her even having heard it yet), judging by the singer, the wind machine and the female musicians (oh hang on, I’ve spotted a man there). To put it in her words: “it’s a bunch of women. With guitars. Of course I love it.” The Wife is a sucker for rock chicks with questionable hairdos. Oh god... I hope she won’t want to cut her hair that way...

Bulgaria: Miro – Angel si ti

Right. Well, what can we say about this one? It’s polished, it’s cleancut, Miro looks like he’s been taking lessons from Sakis (be sure to expose that bellybutton on the night, sweetie), but there’s just nothing more... the video features a lot of people following Miro and turning into angels at the end. Oops, just spoiled the ending, I’m sorry. I hope Azerbaijan left their 2008 angel costumes behind, it’ll save Bulgaria some money.

Bulgaria - Krassimir Avramov – Illusion

With ballet dancers on stilts, a man dressed like knight (with the highest vocal since Jimmy Somerville on helium or –to stay in Eurovisionland- David D’Or), very bad offkey backing singers, lots of operatic shrieking , 80s disco lyrics (“all I want your touch, baby need you much”), and basically a lot of walking about on stage, this one is too good to be true. Go Krassimir Avramov! Long live Bulgaria!

Croatia and Bulgaria

Representing Croatia is Kraljevi Ulice & 75 Cents with the song Romanca. First off, why 75 cents? Why? What on earth does it mean? And who is 75 cents? The man with the hat? The older guy who mutters things from time to time? The change in their pockets? I doubt we’ll get the answer anytime soon, but my autistic nature has a hard time dealing with this. Anyway, let’s move over to the song. I love this, I don’t know why. Granted, I’m usually a big fan of Croatia. Croatia could send a dressed up dog to Eurovision and I’d probably still vote for them. I loved Danijella (1998) and Doris Dragovic (Maria Magdalena 1999) and every Eurovision review I’ll ever write will at some point feature the name Claudia Beni (2003). I also have a soft spot for songs with a tango-y, gypsy feeling, though that doesn’t always do well at Eurovision, see Jari “Cockring” Silanpaa – Takes two to Tango ESC 2004) or Ivan & Delfin (Poland ESC 2005). For whatever reason, be it the gypsies, the tango or the old folks, I’m completely, totally and utterly charmed by this song, though I have to admit that –as I’m writing this and having just listened to the song- already I can’t really remember what it sounded like.



And from one end of the spectrum (real instruments and street musicians) we go to another: Bulgaria sends Deep Zone and Balthazar (again: which is which?) with “DJ, take me away”. Woohoo! It sounds like we’re back in the nineties! Seeing as this is Eurovision, that means we’re still a decade or so ahead of the rest of the contest… The lyrics are as varied as they are thought provoking (“when the lights go down, I need you, DJ please take me away”) and this song reminds me of the trashy stuff I used to listen to when I was in high school (Sash – Encore une fois, 2 Fabiola, etc). Obviously, I love it.