Big Five and Denmark

Denmark: Basim – Cliché Love Song

I hate scatting. With a passion. Almost as much as I hate clowns, spiders, bigotry and the extreme right. My hatred for this stuff overshadows anything that this song may or may not be. Without it, I’d probably be hopping along in my seat. But now I can only resist the urge to throw things. I’m sorry, Denmark. 

Germany: Elaiza – Is it right

Oh, this is arty stuff with actual instruments, and a girl in very short shorts playing the harmonica. I’m not sure if I like the singer’s voice, but the song is fabulous, even though I’m not sure if it’s actually going somewhere. I get the feeling I should wear a big flowy skirt and just dance in circles around a room.  As such, with the absence of campfires, I’m afraid it’ll get lost in the other Eurovision violence. 

UK: Molly – Children of the universe

So, if Scotland votes yes on the referendum, how long before they take part in Eurovision and give the UK zero points? But this song should get points. I love it. All anthem-y and revolution-y, I’m a huge fan. Huge. You’ve heard it here first. I LOVE a UK entry. Let it be written down, put in stone, because it doesn’t happen much. Oh, she can screw it up of course, by thinking she’s at a concert as opposed to a television show, but the CD version will be played at top volume in this house and in our car. Come on, Eurovisionland, put that wind machine on and give those backing singers a couple of flags to wave! Power to the people!!

France: TWIN TWIN – Moustache

Is it ever a good idea when the French try humour? Well, yes, I loved Les Fatals Picards, even though I was probably the only one in  the world. Apart from they themselves. And I’m going to love TWIN TWIN. All they want is a moustache, is that so much to ask? (Well, since I’m asking, yes, it is, moustaches invariably make men look like creeps, and if my boys ever (try to) grow one I’m shaving it off when they sleep). Tell me, is it just me or is this faaaaabulous? 

Spain: Ruth Lorenzo – Dancing in the rain

Oh, well, this is a big contrast from the French song. Good though. And English, Spain? Really now? Are we going there? Is the world ending? Sorry, in all honesty, this is actually bloody fantastic. And moving. And if this gets a good draw… well, Spain is quite broke, aren’t they?... bugger. 

Italy: Emma – La Mia Citta

Its good. It sounds edgy. If I even have a clue what that means, at my age. But it’s good. And it scares me a little, which can only be a good thing for Eurovision. Pretty sure my wife will have an instant crush, which is generally also a good thing for Eurovision.

What is going on, are the Big Five sending the best songs of the night? Did they finally get the memo that making an effort is worth it (if not for them, then at the very least for us?).

I guess that’s it for the songs of 2014.

Who’s going to win? I have no fucking clue. Not us. But 2014 might just be a very good year.

(Be sure to remind me of that when some song I hate wins, and I throw a tantrum not seen since the Dima Bilan/Azerbaijan duet debacles).

Germany: Roman Lob – Standing Still

Well. At least he’s very nice to look at. But after 41 songs, I’m sorry Roman, this doesn’t do anything for me anymore. Excuse me while I put some Pet Shop Boys on before I succumb to a bout of melancholia.

Germany: Lena - Taken by a Stranger

Snicker. Snort. Oh, grow up.... I’m sure she doesn’t mean it that way. At least... I’m pretty sure. The cute girl from last year has grown into quite the vixen in this video. Call me a big perverted dyke, but I preferred the innocence over the squirming, but that’s just me. It’s not a bad song, but I don’t know how long people will remember it for. Still, kudos to Lena for trying out again (and thank god we have a son, we were morally obliged –with the whole pretty much being born on Eurovision 2010-thing- to name our child after last year’s winner and Lena being a pretty strange name for a boy gave us an out –on that same note we were pretty happy Milan Stankovic didn’t win last year despite “Ovo Je Balkan” being stuck in my head during the C-section)

Germany: Lena Meyer-Landrut: Satellite

Ooh, Germany is sending a Lily Allen album track, I’m not sure if it stands out enough to make an impact but I quite like it. Happy, strange accent (that’s not a German accent surely?) and a girl with clothes on! Extra points for putting on clothes, Lena!

Germany – Alex Swings Oscar Sings! – Miss Kiss Kiss Bang

Sometimes artists’ names and song titles fill me with a sense of dread... a feeling I got when I saw what Germany was sending in. But then I read that one of these guys is the guy who wrote “Das Boot”, the very first techno-ish thing I remember bopping along to back when I was little Piglet, and I became a bit more intrigued. Germany took lessons from the Sakis Rouvas School of Eurovision and sends in a good-looking man with a shirt carefully left open to show the man’s impressive pecs. Next to that slutty angle, they also go for the “quality” angle with this song, like when they sent that annoying Roger Cicero. I’m sure it’s a swing-thing everyone will like. Everyone but the Girlfriend and I. What is it with this final? I can only hope a lot of trashy stuff got through from the semis otherwise we’re in for a dull evening.