Since I'm too lazy to cut and paste all the youtube links. Honestly, it takes up loads of time and the few people that are going to read this are all Eurovisionfreaks anyway and have already heard and seen everything!...
Last year I let myself be surprised by everything on the night itself. Part of it was a deliberate attempt to "try things a little bit differently" (not good for my autism and sense of guilt, let me tell you!), most of it was a lack of time and "oh my god, is it May yet?!". One can say I was a tiny bit out of the Eurovision spirit. Blasphemy, I know.
And it was actually pretty enjoyable. I had no clue what was coming, I was surprised by everything. I quite loved it to be honest. For once you see things only on the night itself and that really changes how good or bad you think an entry is, as opposed to having analysed it to death the weeks before.
But as I said, guilt, autism... curiosity, and a tiny bit more time this year (despite an extra baby in the house), so here I am again.
Without further ado, let's get on with Semi 1.
Armenia:
Aram MP 3 – not alone
Boring
Ballad. With drums. But don’t fear, two thirds in, the song goes all
drum-and-bass-y and dark brooding Angel Type Chaos. I love the last minute or
so. Shame about the two before it.
Who thought this would be a good way to open the show? What a shitty place for
Armenia, they should sue.
Latvia: Aarzemnieki
– Cake to bake
When a song
is called “Cake to Bake” I have expectations. Granted, not very big ones, but
expectations nonetheless. Latvia seems to have sent 2014s version of That Guy
From Brainstorm who sings a song about… how to bake a cake. So in that respect,
my expectations are met. However, unless they’re actually baking a cake
on stage, or someone jumps out of a cake in the buff, this shouldn’t go
anywhere.
(And what a
pity that I’m not letting myself be surprised by genius such as this on the
night itself.. )
(Though it
is bloody catchy… Mix some dough, add some love, let it bake, wait for it..)
Estonia:
Tanja – Amazing
Alright,
Eurovision By Numbers, I can’t believe we had to wait till song number 3 for
this. Can this girl carry a tune live though? Because when you’re going for
Dull Soulless Dance Eurovision By Numbers that is a requirement. Apart from
that, it lacks a certain Oomph, a Je ne sais quoi, to be pulled off (ooh er) on
Pride Floats. But feel free to prove me wrong on the Sixth.
Sweden:
Sanna Nielsen – Undo
Latvia,
Estonia, Armenia… *this* is how you do it. Fuck, we’re being Out-Ballad-ed. By
Sweden, so it’s not such a shameful thing.
This is an anthem, ladies and gentlemen. This is something to be
lipsynched by drag queens with tortured
expressions. I LOVE it. Thank you, whoever broke the songwriter’s heart, for
allowing them to make this gem.
However, judging by my wife’s ultimate goosebump test (proven right by
Molitva, Euphoria and Teardrops) this is
not the winner.
Iceland:
Pollapönk – No Prejudice
I always
have high expectations of Iceland. They might be my favourite Eurovision
Country for their sending of the gay and the fabulous in years past. And this
year they send a bunch of bearded men in tracksuits singing about prejudice
while they tie up people with rainbow
ribbons. Which is cute. Yes, I know they
break my rule about “no voting for guitars at Eurovision Ever”, but tracksuits! beards! no prejudice! this
is fabulous. Not a chance of winning, but I’m voting
for this. This has to get to the finals, if only to show the GLBTQABC community in
countries with idiots for president/parliament that we’ve got their backs.
/political
rant.
I love it when Eurovision does something like this.
Albania:
Hersi – One night’s anger
With a
title like this I think of crimes of passion or domestic violence and
really… who wants to hear a song about that after you’ve just heard a bunch of
bearded men in tracksuits happily rocking to end all ignorance and violence?
Not a clue what she’s actually singing about, since I can’t find the lyrics and
she’s singing in adorable Albanenglish, but the song is nice enough. Most
important things I take from the video: you can go horseback riding and
parasailing in Albania, people will blow cigarette smoke on you if you pass
them in the dark, you can pummel on buskers in raincoats playing electric
guitars (as you should) and sometimes, people ride a red bike in Albania.
Excellent stuff!
Russia:
Tolmachevy Sisters – Shine
Is that the
scary twins from Junior Eurovision? They used to haunt my nightmares…. It’s
Russia, so they’re a shoe-in for the top ten, and yes, the song isn’t bad. But
I still fear Russia’s pink tank from the last time they hosted, so it’s just
got to stop there. Good song, but pretty unremarkable.
Azerbaijan:
Dilara Kazimova – Start a Fire
Another
ballad? Seriously? But we’re also sending a ballad… have these people not heard
that we’d like to get to the finals? Very unthoughtful of you, Azerbaijan, even
if you have gorgeous eyes. My, what gorgeous eyes you have. This lady looks a
bit like Conchita Wurst, without the beard (and that’s a compliment, in case
you were wondering). This is not what I had in mind when I read the title, I
was expecting pyro (well, it IS Azerbaijan), something poppy with a beat or a homoerotic ballad between a man and his shadow. It’s not got enough bombast for me, but I’m sure they’ll have
excellent staging. It IS Azerbaijan, after all.
Ukraine:
Mariya Yaremchuk - Tick-Tock
Hang on,
this is the same woman as Azerbaijan. Thank you for not sending a ballad,
Ukraine, but I had expected better from you. Your tradition in sending gorgeous
women who sing powerful pop songs is legendary and this song just isn’t good
enough. Good for us, but a shame for the
world of Eurovision. But again, as this is The Ukraine, I’m pretty sure they
can prove me wrong on the night.
Belgium:
Axel Hirsoux – Mother
Now I’m
thrilled with this song. I know you probably all hate it, but this is the type
of Bombastic Ballad I expect from Croatia, Serbia, the lot and since they’re
not taking part, we just have to send it ourselves. Add to this that this guy
is from Wallonia and Flanders sent him (It’s not quite
the symbolism of Russia sending a Ukrainian drag queen to Eurovision, but
close…), and he’s got an amazing voice. No matter what you say, this gives me goose
bumps. Even if it is over the top sentimental emotional drivel. It’s
Eurovision, that’s what it’s there for. And no wind machine is going to blow
our guy away, no sir!
(I'm critical about the lyrics though, what mother wants to hear their kid sing they're weak and she's bright?! No mother in their right mind, that's who. But then, with the accent, you probably won't understand)
Moldova:
Cristina Scarlat – Wild soul
I would
hope you are human, Cristina, since I’m pretty sure there’s a law that states
you have to be to be taking part… although… Dustin the Turkey… never mind. Could it be that the Drum-and-Bass-y-thingy is
a thing this year? This song fills me with “meh” though, it’s just not over the
top enough. Well, apart from those lyrics. "What am I? Am I human? What am I? An emotion?" You're, whining, that's what you are. Honestly.
San
Marino: Valentina Monetta – Maybe
Ooh, a
tasteful ballad (and yet another video filmed by the seaside, did they get a discount if they all filmed
there? “Check it out, we have a beach”,
“so do we!!”, “We’re a bloody island, twits!”, “We’re completely below sea
level, beat that!”). Yes, a tasteful song. Which is pretty unique for
Eurovision I suppose. But it also leaves me with nothing much to say.
Portugal:
Suzy – Quero Ser Tua
Oh… no
Fado? Just men in leather and mesh and tattoos, and girls in skimpy dresses…
normally I should be all for that, but the singing makes it clear that Portugal
really don’t want to host this thing next year. The prize for Trainwreck of this
semi seems to have been awarded. Oh my lord! Flags! They’re waving flags!! This
is easily one of the songs I’ll most look forward to on the night, for all the
wrong reasons. Yay Portugal!
The
Netherlands: The Common Linnets – Calm after the storm
Slow going
country. The seaside! (told you, they’re below sealevel, try and beat that!),
is this going anywhere though? Anywhere but an album track? I can’t say
anything mean about this though. It’s boring, yes, but it’s probably good. In its
own way.
Montenegro:
Sergej Cetkovic – Moj Svijet
Seaside!
They were absolutely serious about that discount, weren’t they. Don’t be
surprised if all the postcards from Kopenhagen are filmed at the seaside.
Montenegro, I’m so glad you’re here. You haven’t deserted us, lone Balkan
player in this semi… the song isn’t half bad, but well, not extremely good
either. Never mind, just for showing up, I’m letting you through to the final.
Hungary:
Andras Kallay-Saunders – Running
How original, Drum-and-Bassy-stuff is a Thing this year. As are depressing song subjects like
domestic violence and child abuse. So much for Eurovision being a happy/bitchy escape from reality for a few hours. Can we just get back to
singing about ending prejudice and broken hearts and feathers and wind machines
and mothers please? It's good though. But utterly utterly depressing.
