Showing posts with label Eurovision 2010. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Eurovision 2010. Show all posts
Saturday, May 14, 2011
To tide us over till tonight: some gems from last year
Because you've got to admire the "street" kid who shakes his arse at the camera and the assorted gay men in the audience.
Because flowy dresses and sparkly gloves are so 2010.
Because this is so terrible, it's actually pretty fantastic (and yes, this was stuck in my head during the C-section so it's a wonder my son didn't suffer brain damage)
Because no-one quite does gay anthems like the Icelandics do.
Monday, June 07, 2010
Eurovision adventure
You might be wondering what happened to me: sudden loss of interest in Eurovision? Depression because Belgium didn't win? Hiding from the world because of our sixth place?
Nope.
On Thursday 27th of May I went for a checkup to our gynaecologist, was suddenly sent to hospital, put on a monitor and told I wouldn't be leaving until they delivered Penguin by C-section. I was 36 weeks pregnant and they wanted to keep Penguin in as long as possible, but they had to weigh the risks of an early birth to those of the pre-eclampsia I apparently had.
Bas was born on June 1st. He weighed a healthy 3kg280 (Imagine what he would've done without the pre-eclampsia and at full term), measured in at 49cms and is generally the most gorgeous baby ever. He spent four days in the neonatal unit where he recovered from the whole ordeal. Meanwhile I had to do the same, because -to be very honest- I really wasn't doing so well. I'm gradually doing better though, and he improved in leaps and bounds.
He was staying in my hospital room since Saturday (finally I could hold him whenever I wanted to) and we just got home.
So now you know.
Bas really really did his best to make us miss Eurovision. I can sense trouble ahead.
Nope.
On Thursday 27th of May I went for a checkup to our gynaecologist, was suddenly sent to hospital, put on a monitor and told I wouldn't be leaving until they delivered Penguin by C-section. I was 36 weeks pregnant and they wanted to keep Penguin in as long as possible, but they had to weigh the risks of an early birth to those of the pre-eclampsia I apparently had.
Bas was born on June 1st. He weighed a healthy 3kg280 (Imagine what he would've done without the pre-eclampsia and at full term), measured in at 49cms and is generally the most gorgeous baby ever. He spent four days in the neonatal unit where he recovered from the whole ordeal. Meanwhile I had to do the same, because -to be very honest- I really wasn't doing so well. I'm gradually doing better though, and he improved in leaps and bounds.
He was staying in my hospital room since Saturday (finally I could hold him whenever I wanted to) and we just got home.
So now you know.
Bas really really did his best to make us miss Eurovision. I can sense trouble ahead.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
"It's a historic Tuesday" - Eurovision Semi Final 1
This year's contest will be commented on by André (from Brussels, because we have no money to rent a place in Oslo -well, that'll be funny when we win and the Dutch or the Walloon guys will have the first interview won't it-) and Bart. We think Anja wanted too much money to comment on the dresses.
The contest tries to get rid of the prejudice about the voting being political by now allowing people to vote before they've even heard one single song. Way to go EBU! Perhaps they're putting the money in a saving's account for when the Big Four pulls out. It's all for a good cause, really.
We play another round of "spot the straight guy in the audience", as every year to no avail, and before we know it (No riverdance? No-one walking through walls or flying through the air? No ulgy twins on a swan?) the show has started!
With the charming Eurodisco trainwreck that is Moldova. Their violinist is spinning around on stage so violently we're pretty sure he's going to be sick, and the saxophone players apparently play a lot better when they shake their crotch at the camera. Love it! -Q
Russia is as ever one of those countries that could send a puking violinist (with or without dying ballerina or iceskating rink) and still make the top five, and this time they send a bunch of guys in the snow, who didn't even bother to dress up. They're wearing scarves though, to stay in the "winter" theme, so they have put some thought into their act. Long live the Russian bombastic pathos! - Q
Estonia sends RiffRaff in a pink scarf (what is it with scarves? Did Alexander Rybak release his own line or something?) with the scariest and most hilarious backing singers/dancers in the contest. At the end one of them even drops dead. The Wife predicts their choreographer is pulling out his hair backstage "stop improvising, you idiots!".
Slovakia goes for the classic elf with mountain trolls-act, only this time she's joined on stage by her monther-in-law. Yikes! Long live the Riverdance and the everything-but-the-kitchensink performance. Petra was, as usual, twenty years ahead of her time.
Oh god, the Finnish aren't wearing any shoes. It's going to be one of those songs, is it. And yes, it is. With the lot of them all dressed in white, I'm starting to think we're being accosted by a bunch of folk-playing gynaecologists. Eep!
Wow, Latvia, that cruficix around your neck sure is subtle. If you'd worn it any bigger, you'd have been able to climb onto it yourself. Thankfully her singing is horrible, as is her earnest gazing in the camera. Mister God has no mercy (and neither does Fashion, dressing in a bathrobe and slutty shoes? For Eurovision?! Come on!)! For some reason we think she might pull off the robe for a dramatic clothes change (we've not had one in this contest yet! It must be the longest without one), but we're kinda relieved she keeps the thing on.
Bart says ickle Milan from Serbia is "as gay as an iron". Since when are irons gay? We don't have the time to think about it too much, since the party goes wild when Milan comes on stage and starts his "Balkan" chanting. And he even brought two dates (and their sisters)! And pyros! And a silly dance routine! Go Milan! - Q
Bosnia forgot to bring their act. Didn't they have something lying about with a red flag, a wind machine and much dramatic posing? Or with a washing line and knitting old ladies? They were all busy this year?! Tsk. Stupid softrock. -Q
According to André and Bart, the Polish act and song is about erotic asphyxiation. And perhaps they could have shared their act with the Bosnians because there's plenty to go around. Apples, boobs, bad English and even a clothes change. Well, if one of the girls getting their blouse ripped off is a clothes change... Could be me, but I don't get it.
Aaaaah, there we are, Belgium is sending Tom Dice with a blue guitar. We're told over and over again how pure his act is, just him and his guitar (and two backing singers, hidden in the shadows, but let's not split hairs), how this is quality and how -finally, now that 50% of the votes are jury votes- we should stand a chance to make it to the final. Yes, because the juries would have loved our fake Elvis and circus tents in years past. My god, we can be just as arrogant as the rest of Europe, apparently. Tom is hopping from leg to leg like he needs the loo and manages to look solemn by pulling weird faces. Still, we're pretty thrilled he made it to the final. Despite the song. And the nasal singing. Go Tom! -Q
The Maltese singer is on fire! Seriously, someone call the fire department! Ah but no, she's just giving birth to a gigantic bird that comes out of her ass. No, I'm not kidding, check out the youtube video. It's a bambi Disney ballad, but for some reason (probably the hormones) I'm loving it in the end. Must be the wings.
Thank you, Albania for shaking us awake with your generic discobeat. So generic it sounds like every single uptempo song we've ever heard. Shame you didn't think to bring any angel wings, but at least you brought the Rybak-violin. That's one thing at least. -Q
"Damn, Sakis has gotten old" we think when we see Giorgos from Greece (the name!). Thankfully he brought Sakis' brothers to do the sirtaki behind him. In true Greek tradition they've left the leather at home (or in the hotel room...) and are now dressed in pure white to better show off their physiques and their tattoos. Let's hope they don't win, because there's no way the EU will finance that. And who paid for those sparkly things on your suit, Giorgos? Eh? Ah, I can grumble all I like, but this is brilliant Eurovision stuff. I do wish they'd recycled Sakis' stapler though. Opa! -Q
Portugal brings us a boring Disney ballad sung by a pretty girl. I'm not impressed. Not even the straight guys are all that convinced, and that's saying a lot. They spent all their money on a dress for Filipa and seem to have dressed the backings in stuff from Oxfam. Charming. - Q
FYR Macedonia manages to send some pretty sleazy stuff. As a pregnant woman I can only gaze jealously when one of the dancers lifts her leg to behind her ears. Wow, with all the water in my legs at the moment I can hardly lift my legs enough to walk up stairs. Bitch! And just when you think it can't get any worse, the choreographer manages to up the sleaze factor by ten... good god. There are gay men watching! Close your legs!
We're glad to see the mullet is still in fashion in Belarus, as are the ballgowns and the Christmas atmosphere. We're expecting snow to start coming down, but we get butterfly wings instead. What a horrible, horrible song. And that Maltese bird so upstaged your stupid butterfly wings! -Q
Thank you, Iceland, for sending a big gay diva! And thank you for showing us you can keep the costs down by using the same fabric to make a dress for your lead and backing singers. We'd give you extra points if Ms Bjork ends the song by doing the splits, but alas... Still, we're fans! -Q
Bart recaps the Big Four by saying "the UK is sending something miserable" and we wait full of tension for the results. It takes four envelopes before André says something about "friendly nations", the camera keeps cutting to Tom Dice in the green room who does the most unenthusiastic "flag shaking" possible whenever he spots the red light, and when Belgium comes out of the envelope everyone breathes a sigh of relief. Woohoo! We might cheer a little more when Iceland comes out of the envelope, but still.
"It's a legendary Tuesday" Bart says. It sure is.
And do we hear the sound of André rushing to the airport to share a commentator box with whoever will have him for Saturday? Who knows?!
The contest tries to get rid of the prejudice about the voting being political by now allowing people to vote before they've even heard one single song. Way to go EBU! Perhaps they're putting the money in a saving's account for when the Big Four pulls out. It's all for a good cause, really.
We play another round of "spot the straight guy in the audience", as every year to no avail, and before we know it (No riverdance? No-one walking through walls or flying through the air? No ulgy twins on a swan?) the show has started!
With the charming Eurodisco trainwreck that is Moldova. Their violinist is spinning around on stage so violently we're pretty sure he's going to be sick, and the saxophone players apparently play a lot better when they shake their crotch at the camera. Love it! -Q
Russia is as ever one of those countries that could send a puking violinist (with or without dying ballerina or iceskating rink) and still make the top five, and this time they send a bunch of guys in the snow, who didn't even bother to dress up. They're wearing scarves though, to stay in the "winter" theme, so they have put some thought into their act. Long live the Russian bombastic pathos! - Q
Estonia sends RiffRaff in a pink scarf (what is it with scarves? Did Alexander Rybak release his own line or something?) with the scariest and most hilarious backing singers/dancers in the contest. At the end one of them even drops dead. The Wife predicts their choreographer is pulling out his hair backstage "stop improvising, you idiots!".
Slovakia goes for the classic elf with mountain trolls-act, only this time she's joined on stage by her monther-in-law. Yikes! Long live the Riverdance and the everything-but-the-kitchensink performance. Petra was, as usual, twenty years ahead of her time.
Oh god, the Finnish aren't wearing any shoes. It's going to be one of those songs, is it. And yes, it is. With the lot of them all dressed in white, I'm starting to think we're being accosted by a bunch of folk-playing gynaecologists. Eep!
Wow, Latvia, that cruficix around your neck sure is subtle. If you'd worn it any bigger, you'd have been able to climb onto it yourself. Thankfully her singing is horrible, as is her earnest gazing in the camera. Mister God has no mercy (and neither does Fashion, dressing in a bathrobe and slutty shoes? For Eurovision?! Come on!)! For some reason we think she might pull off the robe for a dramatic clothes change (we've not had one in this contest yet! It must be the longest without one), but we're kinda relieved she keeps the thing on.
Bart says ickle Milan from Serbia is "as gay as an iron". Since when are irons gay? We don't have the time to think about it too much, since the party goes wild when Milan comes on stage and starts his "Balkan" chanting. And he even brought two dates (and their sisters)! And pyros! And a silly dance routine! Go Milan! - Q
Bosnia forgot to bring their act. Didn't they have something lying about with a red flag, a wind machine and much dramatic posing? Or with a washing line and knitting old ladies? They were all busy this year?! Tsk. Stupid softrock. -Q
According to André and Bart, the Polish act and song is about erotic asphyxiation. And perhaps they could have shared their act with the Bosnians because there's plenty to go around. Apples, boobs, bad English and even a clothes change. Well, if one of the girls getting their blouse ripped off is a clothes change... Could be me, but I don't get it.
Aaaaah, there we are, Belgium is sending Tom Dice with a blue guitar. We're told over and over again how pure his act is, just him and his guitar (and two backing singers, hidden in the shadows, but let's not split hairs), how this is quality and how -finally, now that 50% of the votes are jury votes- we should stand a chance to make it to the final. Yes, because the juries would have loved our fake Elvis and circus tents in years past. My god, we can be just as arrogant as the rest of Europe, apparently. Tom is hopping from leg to leg like he needs the loo and manages to look solemn by pulling weird faces. Still, we're pretty thrilled he made it to the final. Despite the song. And the nasal singing. Go Tom! -Q
The Maltese singer is on fire! Seriously, someone call the fire department! Ah but no, she's just giving birth to a gigantic bird that comes out of her ass. No, I'm not kidding, check out the youtube video. It's a bambi Disney ballad, but for some reason (probably the hormones) I'm loving it in the end. Must be the wings.
Thank you, Albania for shaking us awake with your generic discobeat. So generic it sounds like every single uptempo song we've ever heard. Shame you didn't think to bring any angel wings, but at least you brought the Rybak-violin. That's one thing at least. -Q
"Damn, Sakis has gotten old" we think when we see Giorgos from Greece (the name!). Thankfully he brought Sakis' brothers to do the sirtaki behind him. In true Greek tradition they've left the leather at home (or in the hotel room...) and are now dressed in pure white to better show off their physiques and their tattoos. Let's hope they don't win, because there's no way the EU will finance that. And who paid for those sparkly things on your suit, Giorgos? Eh? Ah, I can grumble all I like, but this is brilliant Eurovision stuff. I do wish they'd recycled Sakis' stapler though. Opa! -Q
Portugal brings us a boring Disney ballad sung by a pretty girl. I'm not impressed. Not even the straight guys are all that convinced, and that's saying a lot. They spent all their money on a dress for Filipa and seem to have dressed the backings in stuff from Oxfam. Charming. - Q
FYR Macedonia manages to send some pretty sleazy stuff. As a pregnant woman I can only gaze jealously when one of the dancers lifts her leg to behind her ears. Wow, with all the water in my legs at the moment I can hardly lift my legs enough to walk up stairs. Bitch! And just when you think it can't get any worse, the choreographer manages to up the sleaze factor by ten... good god. There are gay men watching! Close your legs!
We're glad to see the mullet is still in fashion in Belarus, as are the ballgowns and the Christmas atmosphere. We're expecting snow to start coming down, but we get butterfly wings instead. What a horrible, horrible song. And that Maltese bird so upstaged your stupid butterfly wings! -Q
Thank you, Iceland, for sending a big gay diva! And thank you for showing us you can keep the costs down by using the same fabric to make a dress for your lead and backing singers. We'd give you extra points if Ms Bjork ends the song by doing the splits, but alas... Still, we're fans! -Q
Bart recaps the Big Four by saying "the UK is sending something miserable" and we wait full of tension for the results. It takes four envelopes before André says something about "friendly nations", the camera keeps cutting to Tom Dice in the green room who does the most unenthusiastic "flag shaking" possible whenever he spots the red light, and when Belgium comes out of the envelope everyone breathes a sigh of relief. Woohoo! We might cheer a little more when Iceland comes out of the envelope, but still.
"It's a legendary Tuesday" Bart says. It sure is.
And do we hear the sound of André rushing to the airport to share a commentator box with whoever will have him for Saturday? Who knows?!
Monday, May 24, 2010
The Big Four and the Last Winner
"We're paying for this show, so we can send any damned thing we like!"... on with the immediate qualifiers...
Spain: Daniel Diges – Algo Pequenito
Just when you think “ooh this is classy, probably way too classy for me and my poor Eurovision Feather Boa fangirling” Daniel walks into a circus tent and is joined by a bunch of clowns and trapeze artists. I kid you not. I hope he keeps that lot at home and invents something classy for the show (he might ask for pointers with the Bosnian/Serbian delegations of years past for that one) and this might do pretty well.
Norway: Didrik Solli-Tangen – My heart is yours
Norway must think they’ve found the winning recipe: let’s send a hot guy (again, though we can debate the hotness of poor Alexander) and this time let’s not settle for one violin but send a whole bunch. This song consists of so much sugary sweetness even Chiara would say it’s over the top. Hell, I’m sure the butterfly bambis from Belarus are mocking this guy. If there’s any justice in the world this song will sink to the bottom. Fast.
United Kingdom: Josh – That sounds good to me
Josh is so well known he doesn’t need a surname. Oh no, not him. So one year they send The Lord and the year after.... this. Now see, I love the 80s, I do, but even I can’t stomach this for longer than a minute: the Colgate smile, the slutty dance routine from thirty years ago, the unremarkable vocal... still, it’s pretty funny as a trainwreck.
France: Jessy Matador – Allez, Ola, Ole
France is thinking “if we don’t win Eurovision (which is pretty likely) at least we’ll already have a song for the world cup football”, the world is still in a financial crisis, we have to save money where we can. The contrast with Patricia Kaas couldn’t be bigger and I quite like this one. Well, it makes me shake and wiggle on my chair, which is quite an accomplishment when you feel like a pregnant waterballoon. I hope he doesn’t think he’s a world class rapper though, or the whole thing might end up quite ridiculous.
Germany: Lena Meyer-Landrut: Satellite
Ooh, Germany is sending a Lily Allen album track, I’m not sure if it stands out enough to make an impact but I quite like it. Happy, strange accent (that’s not a German accent surely?) and a girl with clothes on! Extra points for putting on clothes, Lena!
Friday, May 21, 2010
Eurovision 2010: Semi Final 1
From ska-light to boring ballads, to nineties duets and golden showers... it can only be Semi final 2!
Lithuania: InCulto – East European Funk
Well, this can’t go wrong can it. It’s already quite an accomplishment that they can wear checkered trousers without looking like *total* idiots and with lyrics like “We build your homes and wash your dishes, Keep you your hands all soft and clean” I might just have to be a complete fan. Despite the lack of wind machine.
Armenia: Eva Rivas – Apricot Stone
Don’t ask me what this song is about, because I don’t get any further than “apricots”, “harvest” and “frozen ground”. But I’m sure it’s about world peace. And it will be enough since this song is catchy as hell and the singer is hot. Very hot. Shallow? Me? Never! But sometimes you have to take your pleasure where you can, even if the Hotness is singing about apricot stones.
Isreal: Harel Ska’at – Milim
And on we go with the eyecandy. Eurovision doesn’t discriminate, people. I’m probably missing something because this song bores me to tears. And that’s strange for an Israeli song (oh hush, who doesn’t have a thing for Hebrew?). I might just give this one a few more listens. And who knows what happens with the right Eurovision Dramatisation. I have every faith in the Israeli Eurovision gods.
Denmark: Chanée & N’Evergreen – in a moment like this
First of all allow me to roll my eyes at “N’evergreen”. Thank you. You might be mistaken for thinking this is just a skinny guy with shaggy hair and nice eyes, accompanied by a pretty girl with a bit of a nasal voice. But then comes the full force of this cheesy typically nineties rock-duet. The Other kind of Eurovision. The one without the feathers, but with holding hands, massive keychange and wind machine set to tornado. Yay Denmark! Thank you for not sending “I can’t Believe It’s not Ronan Keating” again!
Switzerland: Michael von der Heide – Il pleut de l’or
Wow, how Swiss can you be with a German sounding name and a French song! Take a note, Belgium, this might be the way to go. And this song is very much not what you’d expect. Michael is wearing a gold sequinned jacket, waving about a light saber and he and his song would be right at home at Oslo Pride. When *is* Oslo Pride? They should use this as their theme song for crying out loud! Throw in the shadowplay and the whole 80s vibe and I’m a huge fan! 12 points! Michael, sweetie, you don’t stand a chance in hell of making it out of this semi, but I love you for this entry!
Sweden: Anna Bergendahl – This is my life
Oh god, it’s a young girl in All Stars, a white dress, tiara and strumming a guitar. And on comes a Eurovision Pet Peeve: after the first verse, the guitar disappears but magically, it keeps playing! How does that work?! A pretty boring, but well sung, polished and catchy song, and the cheesy backing singers make up for a lot. As does Carola’s solidarity in leaving behind her wind machine for the Swedish national final. Thank you, Carola. You might just have saved this song like you do every year.
Azerbaijan: Safura – Drip Drop
They might have only been taking part for three years, but believe me, Azerbaijan wants to win. If this girl doesn’t make the top five, I fear she might be extradited. Shame about the song. And the dress. I’m not sure even the quasi-shirtless hot backing dancers can save this, though Azerbaijan should have enough friends to put it into the final. A quick question though, Safura’s boyfriend apparently “smells like lipstick again”. Now I’m no expert, but how do you manage that... And so another Eurovision Question is born to entertain our more autistic fans.
Ukraine: Alyosha – Sweet people
It’s always fantastic when national finals have an air of scandal around them and suddenly the second placed song gets to go. Perhaps she can have a chat with Tom Dice about that? Boring Ballad time again I’m afraid. I almost wish they’d bring back the centurions and the old facelifted diva. And they know it’s a lost cause, turning on the wind machine in the middle of the song already, instead of waiting for the climax that never comes.
The Netherlands: Sieneke – Ik ben verliefd (Sha-la-lie)
Thank you, The Netherlands, for sending a song that for once is more ridiculous than ours. Thank you, Father Abraham (he of the Smurf Song) for composing this sorry excuse of an entry. Thank you, Sieneke, it’s not your fault, but still... just thank you. Be glad most of you don’t understand the ridiculousness of these lyrics. Seriously people, this is easily, hands down, the worst song in this contest. And for once, it’s not ours! Thank you!
Romania: Paula Seling & Ovi – Playing with fire
Oh, a double piano duet. Rufus Wainwright would be so jealous. Paula (I’m pretty sure it’s Paula) overdid it at the plastic surgeon’s and it’s pretty hilarious how she’s trying to seduce him (she does this weird thing with her eyes when she goes for the “ooh ooh”, and they both forget they’re meant to be playing the piano half of the time. That hilarity is about the only redeeming factor in this song. Boring.
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