Big Five and Denmark

Denmark: Basim – Cliché Love Song

I hate scatting. With a passion. Almost as much as I hate clowns, spiders, bigotry and the extreme right. My hatred for this stuff overshadows anything that this song may or may not be. Without it, I’d probably be hopping along in my seat. But now I can only resist the urge to throw things. I’m sorry, Denmark. 

Germany: Elaiza – Is it right

Oh, this is arty stuff with actual instruments, and a girl in very short shorts playing the harmonica. I’m not sure if I like the singer’s voice, but the song is fabulous, even though I’m not sure if it’s actually going somewhere. I get the feeling I should wear a big flowy skirt and just dance in circles around a room.  As such, with the absence of campfires, I’m afraid it’ll get lost in the other Eurovision violence. 

UK: Molly – Children of the universe

So, if Scotland votes yes on the referendum, how long before they take part in Eurovision and give the UK zero points? But this song should get points. I love it. All anthem-y and revolution-y, I’m a huge fan. Huge. You’ve heard it here first. I LOVE a UK entry. Let it be written down, put in stone, because it doesn’t happen much. Oh, she can screw it up of course, by thinking she’s at a concert as opposed to a television show, but the CD version will be played at top volume in this house and in our car. Come on, Eurovisionland, put that wind machine on and give those backing singers a couple of flags to wave! Power to the people!!

France: TWIN TWIN – Moustache

Is it ever a good idea when the French try humour? Well, yes, I loved Les Fatals Picards, even though I was probably the only one in  the world. Apart from they themselves. And I’m going to love TWIN TWIN. All they want is a moustache, is that so much to ask? (Well, since I’m asking, yes, it is, moustaches invariably make men look like creeps, and if my boys ever (try to) grow one I’m shaving it off when they sleep). Tell me, is it just me or is this faaaaabulous? 

Spain: Ruth Lorenzo – Dancing in the rain

Oh, well, this is a big contrast from the French song. Good though. And English, Spain? Really now? Are we going there? Is the world ending? Sorry, in all honesty, this is actually bloody fantastic. And moving. And if this gets a good draw… well, Spain is quite broke, aren’t they?... bugger. 

Italy: Emma – La Mia Citta

Its good. It sounds edgy. If I even have a clue what that means, at my age. But it’s good. And it scares me a little, which can only be a good thing for Eurovision. Pretty sure my wife will have an instant crush, which is generally also a good thing for Eurovision.

What is going on, are the Big Five sending the best songs of the night? Did they finally get the memo that making an effort is worth it (if not for them, then at the very least for us?).

I guess that’s it for the songs of 2014.

Who’s going to win? I have no fucking clue. Not us. But 2014 might just be a very good year.

(Be sure to remind me of that when some song I hate wins, and I throw a tantrum not seen since the Dima Bilan/Azerbaijan duet debacles).

Spain: Pastora Soler – Quedate Conmigo

Dear god, I hope some uptempo songs come through from the semis or this will be one big snoozefest. I’m sorry. I’m sure it’s all very good and very ... whatever. I’d just rather something I can dance to. Well I suppose it’s better for the baby if I don’t try to do anything like that, so maybe it’s all for the good.

Spain: Lucía Pérez - Que me quiten lo bailao

Again Spain have the best draw of the lot and we can count on them to send in the exact same song they’ve been sending to Eurovision before (apart from when they go for the ridiculous). It sounds like a Belle Perez B-side and I might have to take back what I said about Blue making the cheapest video of the lot. Then again, no, Spain spent money on costumes. And feathers. There must be a lot of naked chickens running around Spain at the moment. The song may not do much for me, but I’d sure like to go to that party (come on! There are people dressed up as penguins! How could I not?).

Spain: Daniel Diges – Algo Pequenito

Just when you think “ooh this is classy, probably way too classy for me and my poor Eurovision Feather Boa fangirling” Daniel walks into a circus tent and is joined by a bunch of clowns and trapeze artists. I kid you not. I hope he keeps that lot at home and invents something classy for the show (he might ask for pointers with the Bosnian/Serbian delegations of years past for that one) and this might do pretty well.

Spain – Soraya – La noche es para mi (the night is for me)

Soraya is, like Beth in 2003, a Spanish celebrity for taking part in the never-ending Operacion Triunfo. Speaking as someone who once saw a complete episode of Operacion Triunfo, I have to admire her for that. She must have an endless supply of patience for taking part in a show that drags on and on and on and on and on! I mean, it was hard for me to watch, it must have been even harder for her to sit there and be interviewed for hours on end.... The Spanish just do not shut up when they do live shows, it’s incredible. If they ever win Eurovision again the show will last five hours, mark my words. Not that they’re in imminent danger of winning now, with this rather boring up-tempo Spanish sounding dance thing. An impressive choreography with attractive men might lift it from the realms of forgettability. Or it might not.....