Eurovision is the yearly pinnacle of kitsch and camp, over-the-top acts, over-the-top heartfelt painful ballads and don’t even get me started on the outfits… The only moment in the year where Europe is one. “One” in the sense that all over Europe everyone ridicules and bitches about the other countries’ taste in music. Truly the spirit of unity! And let’s be fair, in this day and age of bland English popsongs, where else are you going to hear a song about stilettos in Croatian? Or a typically Ukranian warrior song? With whips!? Or a dancing penguin? Such cultural artefacts would be lost without Eurovision!
The rules of Eurovision are simple. Every country that’s an active member of the EBU can take part (which is why Israel’s been taking part since the 70s) on the condition that they send in a song that’s under three minutes long (politics and pornography are not allowed), there are no more than six people on stage (no live animals either: though cardboard cut-outs are fine), all the vocals are sung live and the country airs the complete contest (not leaving any countries out). After all the songs have been aired, every country gets to vote for their favourites (usually through televote) and awards 12, 10, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 points to their top 10 songs. You’re not allowed to vote for your own country, unfortunately. The country with the most points wins, and gets… nothing really. Apart from the honour of having won and the financial backlash of hosting the contest the next year. Who wouldn’t be up for that?!
Eurovision night when I was a kid was invariably the same thing. My parents would watch it and remark that the festival used to be a lot better. They’d keep watching though. Year after year. When the time came for the scores, “Hello Belgrade, this is Brussels calling”, my father would get flustered and complain it was all about politics, usually when some Scandinavian country gave another Scandinavian country their 12 points. When The Netherlands was the only country in the whole contest to give Belgium (I’m Belgian, yes) any points, my father usually called it “justified”. Of course. When the winner was announced my father stayed with his verdict that it was “all about politics” and “he’d never watch again”. Until the next year, obviously.
There’s no denying that countries don’t get points just on the merits of the song. E.g. Cyprus will always give their 12 to Greece and vice versa. And yes, Eastern Europe seems to benefit more from this than western countries (due to emigrant votes, neighbour votes and hey, let’s not forget ex-Yugoslavia: Honestly, first they go to war against each other, then gain independence and the first thing they do when they enter Eurovision (undeniably one of the reasons they wanted to be independent in the first place) is vote for each other.)
The next couple of weeks I’ll be reviewing all the songs/acts/costumes that are taking part in the contest in Belgrade this year. The contest is at a record of 42 countries taking part during two semi-finals (May 20 and 22) with 19 countries each. The top 10 of each semi-final will go through to the final (on May 24th) where they’ll join the Big Four (UK, France, Germany and Spain, the main financial contributors to the contest who automatically qualify for the final) and last year’s winner Serbia (who won with a fantastic lesbian-themed Balkan-ballad). The songs are a mix of trashy Eurobeat, ethnic ballads, weird acts and er… a turkey. Something for everyone!
To start things off, here’s last year’s winner: Marija Serifovic with Molitva (the first time in ages a song not sung in English won the contest)
And to show the other side of Eurovision, last year's runner up: the amazing Verka Serduchka (Dancing Lasha Tumbai)
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